Abandoned Treasure

Recently there have been so many thoughts and feelings pent up inside, I've felt consumed. So in order to find some relief, I've taken to the idea of letting some of it leak out here. Maybe this impulsive decision to start blogging again will be good for me.

One of the heaviest weights on me right now has been the recent passing away of my mom. I had been on vacation in Hong Kong when I found out that my mom was admitted into "comfort care." After many years of strokes, pneumonia, and other physical hardships her body was finally unable to keep up. Fortunately, I was able to book an earlier flight back to Seattle to spend some time with her before she passed away. My flight arrived in Seattle the evening of December 31st and I was able to see her that night and spend most of the day with her on January 1st (the day she passed away). That day I was blessed to be able to stay by her bedside, thank her for raising my brother and me, tell her how my family loves her, how much God loves her and that she will be home with God soon, and feel the warmth in her fragile hand as she squeezed my hand in response.

After leaving home to rest a bit I received a call at 11pm that my mother had passed away. I drove back to the nursing home where she was at and saw her body there. I knew she was gone, but it felt so surreal at that time. Even though I knew she had passed, I looked for the faintest movement to show that she was breathing. As I reached to touch her hand for a second, I laid my fingers gently over the blanket covering her hand. Her hand felt so light and cold. Waves of sadness swept over me. The knowledge that my mom was gone, became very weighty and real to me.

Since Thursday (January 1st), I've been thinking about all that I told my mom that day, and I realize her life story has so much yet to be spoken to my life's past, present, and future. To honor her would be to know her tragedies, victories, sacrifices, and stories yet told; and to learn how they tie into my family's life as well as mine. I feel like there has been an abandoned mine with great treasure to be dug out. Abandoned because we have been busy with other things we deem treasures. Abandoned because so often we run away from engaging in the richness and tensions of family, until the opportunity may be lost. Yet to start digging is such a frightening task. How will I go about searching the intimidatingly dark areas of the abandoned mine with my family? What will it cost? Surely it will be costly, because often the stories of the lives closest to us will change us, and change is something we want to control. I know I feel that way. I also feel like God is beckoning me to cherish my story, especially the parts that I do not know about, the parts of my story that exist in stories of my mom, dad, and brother.

I miss my mom a lot, and pray that I would be able to honor her well by cherishing the family she lived to serve and the wonderful story God has crafted her life to be. May my life be genuine and meaningful in the way that God has designed it - connected to a beautiful tapestry of relationships - and may the passing of my mom into God's hand be a beautiful and intricate design woven into the fabric of life.